4 posts tagged “shopping”
So my sister has a blog. Not the sister who lives here and works in the same building as me and makes me take her to the cafeteria where she is amazed by the fashion faux pas, but the other sister. The one who produced The Lucinator, the cutest child to grace the planet since I was little (26 is the year of modesty!).
Anyway. My sister has a blog and you should check it out. It's snarky and bitchy and directs you to good fashion deals and she updates all the time. Way more than I do. What are you waiting for? Check it out!
In college, I (and many of my friends) used to write letters and haikus to procrastinate during finals. Or to goof off in class. Or to amuse ourselves because - people don't tell you this - sometimes college is boring. We probably stole this idea from Pamie, but I'm sure she stole it from someone, too. I mean, how many people have original ideas?
Lord knows I don't.
Anyway, here are the letters that I wanted to write in the last week.
Dear New Job,
You are kind of awesome, except when you suck. When do you suck? When I have to be at the office at 5:30. In the morning. Yes, 5:30am. That is when you suck. The other times that you suck is when you don't let me eat lunch until after 3pm, you don't let me leave the office until I've logged 10 hours, when you give me no time to play Scrabulous during the day, and you deny me nice towels in the kitchen. On the other hand, you provide me with an unlimited supply of fifty cent sodas and an ice machine. And a not evil (yet?) boss.
So I guess you're okay.
Thanks for not sucking.
Love,
Nicole
PS: Can you please speed up moving my office? I can't install a white board until I move and I really miss my lovely dry erase pens.
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Dear Old Job,
For real, it's been over two weeks. Please stop sucking. Please stop removing things from my personnel file and pretending I didn't totally rock your socks off. Please just move on. I have. Have you heard about my new job and how it doesn't suck?
Also, please stop fucking with Kristen. MLD is gonna get you!
No Love,
One of the Many Who Have Quit In the Last Month
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Loving Boyfriend,
Next time you are attacked at the dog park, we are taking you to get stitches. Looking at that scab is totally sicking me out.
XOXO
Me
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Dear Colorado Rockies,
Suck it. No one likes you. You and your stupid thin air are nothing compared to the Green Monster. Also? No one on your team is any fun. Also? Your fans blow. They are just sitting there, being fat and infrequently - very infrequently, if you know what I mean - cheering when you decide not to completely blow. Just surrender so the Sox can have their parade and Hayden can tell me all about it.
With Contempt,
Nicole
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Dear Oldest Sister,
An entire box of JCrew cashmere sweaters? Best day ever! Thanks for the hand-me-downs!
Colie
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To Whom It May Concern,
This letter is in regard to the fact that my apartment has now been under construction for over one month. I understand that residing a building - and replacing the windows, installing air conditioning and installing all new doors - can take a long time and appreciate the hard work that you and your crew of very hard working (most likely) illegal immigrants are putting into the whole situation.
But here's the thing: while my apartment is under construction, all of my furniture must be moved at last 4 feet from each and every window. This means that all of my furniture is basically piled in the middle of my apartment, making it very difficult to live here, but even harder to clean. And there's a lot of dust from all of your sheet rock fun and I can't clean and do you know what that is doing to me?
It's really not okay.
Please speed it up. I can tell you are almost done. I will even leave cookies for the crew if you'd like.
Thank you.
Resident of (number redacted)
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Guy at Whole Foods,
No, I am not Israeli. No, I do not speak Hebrew. No, I do not want you to teach me Hebrew. I just want that yummy mix of butternut squash and yams that I asked for.
Thank you.
Your Afternoon Customer
PS: You did kind of make my day, though. Thanks for hitting on me.
____________
And now I will leave you with a haiku:
My, you are so kind;
Attentive, caress, rub, smile.
Alterations Guy.
Can we talk about this weekend? And how it was totally awesome?
You see, many fabulous things happened this weekend.
1.) Belly dancing. Have I mentioned that I'm taking belly dancing classes on Saturday mornings? Because I am and it's awesome and this past Saturday's class was the first time I really, really felt it. The "it" of course being the strain and the pain and the workout and everything else. And it was awesome. It's also totally hilarious as we hip walk and shimmy in circles - we look like some horrible army of women out to get you with our coin covered hips.
2.) So IKEA is opening in Portland on Wednesday. But I've already been there. Yes, that's right. I got special "friends and family" passes to the IKEA pre-shopping day and oh, there was so much shopping. Almost everything I bought was for the office, but still, totally awesome. Oh, I love IKEA. So much fun!
3.) Harry Potter. I'm not quite as enthusiastic as the people lined up outside of Powell's on Couch waiting for midnight, but still. I started it around 5pm on Saturday when I got back from IKEA and finished right before 5pm on Sunday. I am now starting over to catch all the things I missed in my haste to get through and to the end before someone spoiled me.
See how super fabulous my weekend was?
And, then, of course, I had to ruin it today by going back to work. Actually, work wasn't that bad, but I did have to go to the doctor this morning and get blood drawn and, oh, yeah, that was so much fun. The phlebotomist didn't listen to me when I said I needed a hot pack and that he should take it from my hand and insisted on poking and prodding my arms for 15 minutes before caving, getting the hot pack and finally sticking the vein I pointed out when I first got there. Lame.
On the up side, when I did get to work today, I had lots of fun working on our new event. Seriously, if you're in Portland, you've got to be there. Let me know and I'll send you the invite. It's only $25! Including food and booze! And carnival games! And a marching band! And a giant sock monkey! C'mon. Who wouldn't have fun with all of that?
And now I have to get ready for Big Love. What would I do without my favorite polygamists?
Yes, it's a little busy around here. I worked late every day this week except for one. That day I planned to leave early and then twenty minutes before I was scheduled to go home, the power went out. You know, while we had visitors. Thankfully, it wasn't too busy and, like always, no one seemed to mind that the power was out.
Now that I have a car again, I have finally started my shopping with what little money I have left (Have I mentioned I'm broke? For real, people. I don't know how people afford cars. Or houses. Or anything more expensive than rent). I have half of Patti's present, half of Kristen's present, 3/4 of Joe's present, almost all of Lucy's dress up trunk and I haven't even started shopping for my Frischmas exchange person, which is very hush hush and all because Jennifer insists that we keep everything totally secret. Except that I know who everyone has because we all have big mouths and those that don't (Jennifer and Auntie Vicki), I figured out by process of elimination. Way to go on the secrets.
Patti and I went shopping for presents on Thursday - which was fruitful, but not as much as I had hoped - and it was totally deserted everywhere because we were in the middle of a horrible wind storm. Of course, we got to the mall right after the power had come back on (we didn't know it was out until the assholes at Toys R Us told us) and had the place almost to ourselves, which would have been much nicer if there was more stuff there that I wanted to buy for people.
(Though, ahem, if any of you are thinking about buying me a present and are stumped, I do totally love the Gap's Project Red shirt that says "TI(RED)" (men's longsleeve, size small). Ahem.)
You know the storm was bad because when we got back to my house, we were confronted by this:
Of course, I took these pictures in the morning because the wind storm was, you know, stormy and dark and I wasn't about to stand in the middle of it to show you the horror of the trees coming down. But still. Crazy. That one that's across the walkway? Yeah, I had to walk under it to get to and from my apartment. I feel bad for my neighbors because with those two trees down, everyone coming down the walkway can see right into their apartments. And it's just not as pretty.
In other news, the one present that I've been working on for the last couple of months is coming along pretty nicely. Lucy's dress up trunk has totally been the community effort - I've gotten items donated from everyone in the department at work, along with everyone in the family and a couple of friends have thrown stuff in. So far, I have:
One pink faux fur wrap
One tutu
Two shirts
One dress
One set of white gloves
Two feathered fans
One parasol
Three wands
Three crowns
Four purses
Four scarves
One set of fairy wings
Three pairs of shoes
Assorted jewelry
I need to find some hats and maybe a couple more dresses and, of course, a trunk or something to put it all in. That's going to be the biggest issue, since I need something that can get from here to Palm Springs and then from there back to Minnesota, but it also has to be cute. If you are in the Portland area and would like to contribute to the trunk, please let me know. So far, Kristen is totally leading the pack with awesome items, but all additions are welcome.
I have also received a number of awesome gifts. Since my dad had me in the exchange and since my two presents were alternately too heavy and too fragile to ship, I got them tonight at family dinner. Check out the new ipod speakers and Heroes of the Torah glasses. Dad totally finds awesome presents. When I thanked him for the speakers, he said, "They have a woofer!" This is one of the many reasons I love my dad. Thanks to his fabulous shopping, I am now listening to a surreal mix of Shakira (in Spanish) and Sloan. This makes for a fabulous Saturday night.
Also, did you people know that Justin Timberlake is hosting SNL tonight? This is a very big deal! Last time, he dressed up like a omelet and danced. And he was a BeeGee! And he was Jessica Simpson! Oh, I love Justin. Joe hates that I love the Justin, but I can't help it. Have you see that boy dance? It's crazy!
While I'm watching Justin, I'm going to clean the house and then give myself a pedicure with the illegal pedicure kit that mom gave me tonight. We're not supposed to get each other presents outside of the exchange, but mom cheats. She's very bad at following the rules. And she steals your bubble wrap when you're not looking and pops it all even though she knows that's your favorite thing about the holidays. Sometimes she's evil.
Alright, I have to start cleaning. I can't clean the floors tonight because it's too late and I don't want to wake the neighbors, but I want to get everything else done tonight because there must be more shopping tomorrow with my no money and probably some painting and I think Joe and I have a holiday party tomorrow night. It's almost like we're social or something. It's insane.
And... cleaning!
Happy holidays! Don't go broke!
Addendum: I forgot! I wanted to leave you with a picture of Al Gore Jr. Jr. and Shifty Penguin. You too could have awesome animal friends like these if you hung out with Kristen. Who doesn't want a shifty penguin? He's lookin' at you!
